If You Give a Witch a Cookie
by jasonc65
Summary: Inspired from a classic funny story, what happens if you give a Narnian witch a cookie, and the evil that comes of it.


Foreword: This story is inspired by the story If You Give an Elf a Cookie by _Writer from Rivendell_, who has in turn gotten it from the classic If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Galadriel, as you know, once had a tendency towards vanity and pride, even to the point of rejecting the Valar's pardon, but she's no Jadis. So I thought it would be amusing to look at this from a Narnian point of view and ask what happens if you give a cookie to a witch. Rating for the forced marriage and the evil that comes of it.

Acknowledgements: Thanks to _Writer from Rivendell_ for permission to use her idea, to the extent that it is hers.

Disclaimer: I don't own the witch, she owns me. But what do you expect? She is a witch, and witches rule. LOL!

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If You Give a Witch a Cookie

If you give a witch a cookie, she'll ask you for juice.

If you give her juice, she'll ask for more.

If you give her more, she'll ask you to have some with her.

If you have some with her, she'll correct you on how to make better cookies and juice.

If you let her correct you, she'll teach you how to do it better with magic.

If you use magic, she'll ask you to test it.

If you agree to test it, you'll end up enchanting yourself.

If you end up enchanting yourself, you'll find you want more.

If you want more, you won't be able to help yourself.

If you are not able to help yourself, you'll soon come to realize that you are now the witch's slave.

If you become the witch's slave, she'll teach you how to use the sword.

If you learn how to use the sword, she'll put you at the head of her army of trolls.

If you let her put you in charge, she'll use you to conquer a kingdom.

If you let her use you to conquer the kingdom, she will then make you king.

If you let her make you king, you'll find out that what's more, the kingdom you conquered turned out to be Narnia, after all.

If you let her make you king over Narnia, she'll boss you around.

If you let her boss you around, then in reality, she will be queen and you will be her slave.

If you allow her to be the real queen and resign yourself to the fact that you're a slave, she'll force you to marry her.

If you marry her, she'll make you consumate the marriage.

If you two consumate your marriage, she'll become pregnant.

If she becomes pregnant, she'll have a daughter.

If she has a daughter, she'll be a witch just like herself.

If the daughter is a witch, she'll be just as cunning and selfish as her mother.

If she is as selfish as her mother, she will also, unlike her, have human blood.

If she has human blood, she will be able to legitimize her rule.

If she legitimizes her rule, then the witch you once gave a cookie to will have established a dynasty of vain, selfish witches who want to be queen for the pure delight of making other people miserable.

If the witch succeeds in establishing a dynasty of vain, selfish witches who want to be queen for the pure delight of making other people miserable, then she will have succeeded in her aim, which she purposed to accomplish, long before you gave her a cookie.

If the witch has succeeded in what she purposed to accomplish long before you gave her a cookie, then by that time, you will have long served her purpose.

If by that time, you have long served her purpose, she will have murdered you.

If she has murdered you, then she will have done just what witches do, use people to get things they want, which, come to think of it, is not unlike some greedy American corporations.

And to think that all of this evil came of giving the witch a cookie.

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A/N: if the witch asks you for a cookie, don't give her one, because unless she's Glinda, it will end up in her conquering a kingdom that she has no right to rule and making its people her miserable slaves, and since this is Narnia and not Oz, you know it's not Glinda. And remember, the demoness never reveals herself in her naked deformity. 


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